Joke Of The Day

You Know you?re Addicted to the Internet when?

You kiss your girlfriend's home page.

Your bookmarks list takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to Google.

You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap.... and your kid in the overhead compartment.

Your dreams are in HTML.

You refer to going to the bathroom as ?downloading.?

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"

You turn up the volume real loud when leaving the room so you can hear if anyone IM's you.

All of your friends have @ in their names.

Your dog has its own webpage.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

You name your children Google, Friendster and Blogger

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back. (OK ? We all have done this one)

Your sweetie says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and network them together so that you can IM each other anytime.

You have withdrawals if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

You take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling.

You rank your friends by the amount of bandwith they have.

You order pizza online - because you can't be bothered to call.

You double click your TV remote.

Things To Know

From E-mail Forward
DID YOU KNOW??
1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any
6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too
11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer
12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
15. Stinky feet - Jello!
16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogurt as a finger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!
20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper
21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
23. Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on
25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!
26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!
27. Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste
31. Wine stains, pour on the Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!
35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!
36. Dirty grout - Listerine
37. Stains on clothes - Colgate
38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.
41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.
42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness? Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie. They are: Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Gr een, Thursday = Red Friday = White and Saturday = Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue- Green - Red - White - Yellow, Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.

Clip of The Day - Danier Leather

I receive a couple of funny clips every now and then. I usually post them as file types and title. From now on if you want to find funny movies just look out for "Clip Of The Day"

Here's today's funny movie..Danier Commercial
It's cute, enjoy..
courtesy of daphne.mmdc.net

WMV Movie Clip - That's Life

Funny Clip from the John Debella Morning Show, with Frank Sinatra's That's life in the background. Enjoy - That's Life

GoldenPalace.com Monkeys with Nature

GoldenPalace.com has paid a wildlife park $650,000 for the right to name a new species of foot-tall monkeys. This is no joke. The poor, furry creature will henceforth be known as "The GoldenPalace.com Monkey." - Opinion Column by PC Magazine: GoldenPalace.com Monkeys with Nature

After this stunt I hope many other such contest will set more rules and guidelines. Such "NAMES CHOSEN DHOULD NOT BARE ANY PROMOTIONAL REFERENCES." - Poor Monkey

WMV Movie - DUI Test

Here is another funny clip, this drunk guy almost had it. Would you be able to pass these DUI test? see funny clip at: http://www.carolinaholiday.com/image/DWI.WMV

Good Ol' Garfield

WMV Movie - Dog Lawyer

This is a hilarious clip from an SNL skit. Will Ferrel as a Dog Lawyer posing legitimate questions. What do you think, do you agree? Dog Lawyer

US Tax Day

Helloooo TAX DAY!!! For many of you that haven't filed your taxes, it's Dooms Day! I have unfortunately already spent my tax return. I'm a bit sad about that actually! Here are a few jokes to cheer us all up...

Tax Jokes from - Late Night TV? - Submitted By D. Kurtzman
"We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no income tax this year." - Jay Leno

"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq." - Conan O'Brien

"President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off." - Jay Leno

"Technically, you're not paying taxes. According to the Bush administration, your bank account is being liberated." - Jay Leno

"Today the IRS gave some guidelines on how to avoid getting audited. Number one, don't list deductions that will raise a red flag. Number two, make sure you file on time. Number three, don't make any stupid anti-war speech at the Academy Awards." - Jay Leno

"The IRS now says you can deduct weight loss plans off your taxes. You can write it off because the government has officially declared obesity a disease. And it's a disease, you can deduct medical expenses. That shows what a difference an administration can make. See under Bush, obesity is a disease. Under Clinton it was just sexy." - Jay Leno

"Monday, April 15th, taxes are due. I just don't pay them. Yeah, this year Arthur Anderson did my taxes, I'm getting $6 billion back." - Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents." - Conan O'Brien

"If your accountant is Arthur Anderson ... today is the last day you could have your tax documents shredded by April 15th." - David Letterman

"I hate to be the one to remind you, but just pretty soon it is going to be April 15th, it is going to be tax time. You know what I am saying? Are you ready? Well you know when something like this happens New Yorkers always try to put the best face they can on a situation. For example the hookers in Times Square, for an extra $50 they will handle your extension." - David Letterman

COLDPLAY Promo

I'm looking forward to this...


COLDPLAY : X&Y COLDPLAYER: "THE COLDPLAYER
Opening at 21:00hrs (GMT) 18.04.2005 with the new single 'Speed of Sound'

This is the latest tool from Coldplay.com that will allow all members to gain direct access to a host of new content straight from the band and the new album 'X&Y'.

Alongside all the new X&Y audio & video exclusives, the new Coldplayer will also give you access to backstage footage that the band will be filming and uploading directly to the player, plus a diary of events only available to members of Coldplay.com.

There will be two versions of the player giving you all the latest news as and when you want it. The first version is web-based so you can visit it whenever you're online for all the latest content, the second is a direct desktop Coldplayer which will be available soon.

Fearful Thought For Cat & Other Animal Lovers

Yahoo! News - Wis. Considers Legalizing Cat Hunting!

Residents in 72 counties were asked whether free-roaming cats — including any domestic cat that isn't under the owner's direct control or any cat without a collar — should be listed as an unprotected species. If listed as so, the cats could be hunted.Statewide results were expected Tuesday.
...
La Crosse firefighter Mark Smith, 48, helped spearhead the cat-hunting proposal. He wants Wisconsin to declare free-roaming wild cats an unprotected species, just like skunks or gophers. Anyone with a small-game license could shoot the cats at will.
...
At least two other upper Midwestern states, South Dakota and Minnesota, allow wild cats to be shot — and have for decades. Minnesota defines a wild, or feral, cat as one with no collar that does not show friendly behavior, said Kevin Kyle with that state's Department of Natural Resources.
...
One of the attendees was Katy Francis, who wore cat ears, whiskers, a cat nose and a sign that read, "Too Cute to Kill." For Francis, "The cat hunting thing brought me out because it was very extreme." | source: Yahoo! News - Wis. Considers Legalizing Cat Hunting

What has the world come to? I can't fathom the solution to the over population of cats to be death. Mexico and China is overpopulated, we wouldn't condone killing it's citizens to solve that issue - Would we?

Movie Clip - Reason NOT to drink at the office party...

This is hillarious, she is sooo fired!

Special thanks to locallans.com for hosting video.
Reason NOT to drink at the office party...: "http://www.locallans.com/OfficeParty.mpg"

Downfall of Winning The Lotto

I was originally forwarded the actual video clip but found this site that linked to it. Cute commercial, if only this were the main concerns for any major life change...

Videos: Watch a Video - BlogTelevision.net

I Love Yahoo!

Yahooo! woohooo!!
I've finally hit first page ranking for me Chicago photos photoblog. For a recent SEO cyber geek like me this is HUGE!!! I decided to optimize that section of my photoblog for high search words as Chicago photos, Chicago pictures, and Chicago skyline pictures. My site comes up averaging rank number five sometimes even twice within the same search results :) Thanks Yahoo!

Home Sweet Home

It feels so good to be home. I've returned home after a two week vacation from Mexico exhausted. Every time I go on 'vacation' there I return tired and depressed. I have so much family there that all we do is visit many of them. The most tiring is the ride from Mexico city to my grand fathers ranch in Oaxaca. This time my brother in law drove, but still made it ~12 hour drive. Of course we stopped in between to grab a bite to eat and rest room stops. Anyway all the driving around and running around buying things can be tiring. There were fun trips here in there, like a ride through Xochimilco in a gondola, swimming in the river, hot springs(almost died there - tell you that story some other day) bought some puppies (stayed in Mexico, another story there), visited a nice park with my God parents. All in all a good time but I always returned depressed because I become attached to my family there and it hurts to say goodbye. Saying goodbye to my two elder sisters is even more difficult, but I love the luxury of having the comforts of my own home. It's good to be back :)